How to Get Your Head Out of Anxiety

Anxiety can be a beast. It looms. It lingers. It lives in the shadows like an unwelcome houseguest, never far away.

How can we not feel anxious when our health may be declining, our relationships are struggling, or our jobs are stressful?

Throw in the state of the world like inflation, climate change, and global politics? Sometimes, it can feel like we’re married to anxiety and it’s not a happy union.

Where does anxiety come from and why does it get stuck on repeat?

Anxiety actually has a purpose. It warns us about potential danger. Anxiety impels us to walk faster at the crosswalk when it seems like that car doesn’t see us. To go to the doctor when that mole looks suspicious. To speak up when something is wrong. Call it intuition, call it body wisdom, it aids our survival.

But what about when the warning bells peal, and there’s no fire? How does our anxi-o-meter get stuck in the “on” position where everything is a worry, everything is stressful?

What are we inputting?

Partly, it’s what we let in. Bad news. Click bait. Listening to someone endlessly complain. A steady mental diet of junk we ingest on a regular basis. This feeds the anxiety houseguest who now doesn’t want to leave.

The mind has a purpose. It computes and solves problems. We need it.

It can be helpful. Things pop into your mind at the right moment. Remember your car keys! It can also be unhelpful and flood you with negative thoughts. Do you really need to be thinking about politics right now?

What do we have on replay?

Thinking about the same thing over and over lays down neural pathways which the brain goes back to again and again. This creates a well-worn path that can now be traversed in an instant. It can feel like these thoughts are haunting us and, in a way, they are.

Sometimes, we do it on purpose. Holding a memory close, playing it over and over, wishing it had turned out differently. Sometimes, a thought impinges whether we want it to or not, and we can’t seem to escape its repetition.

Brain training

We can train our brain on what to think about and what not to think about. The more you think about, say, the economy, the more your brain will be “helpful” and present you with more of the same. Like a YouTube algorithm that gets to know what we want, we teach our brain, knowingly or unknowingly, what to think about. It’s like plugging in 80’s music and then expecting it to play opera. Not going to happen.

We decide which energy we feed.

You can politely decline the brain’s invitation to worry. Doing this repeatedly is training. Remember, you’ve got this well-worn pathway to your worries. It’s not going to disappear overnight. But you can train your brain to behave better. One way to train is to gently say no when an unwanted thought pops in. You might say to yourself, “No, not right now,” and then reach for a thought you do want to think about that involves the present moment. Training also includes validating brain behaviour you do want. When you’re heading out the door without your car keys, and the thought pops into your head, say thank you. “Thank you, brain. Those are the kinds of thoughts I do want.”

Become the observer

Another helpful tool for intrusive thoughts is to become the observer. You are not the thought. You are a bystander, looking at the thought. Make the mental shift. Become curious. Huh, would you look at that? That thought is really competing for my attention. Create distance from it.

Grounding

This technique against unwanted thoughts is called grounding. These are tools that help you feel connected to the here and now. It can be literal. Feel your connection through your feet to the earth. Another way to ground is to slooowww down. Make every movement slow and deliberate for a few minutes. Another way is to look around and really take in your surroundings. Look for things you haven’t noticed before. Pay attention with all of your senses. These tools all help to anchor you in the present.

90-second rule

What about triggering thoughts? You know, the ones that spark an emotional reaction. Anger. Sadness. Embarrassment. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor discovered it takes about 90 seconds for an emotional reaction to pass through the body. That’s it. The flood of chemicals went through your body and left. The physical component of your emotional reaction is over. So, why doesn’t it feel like that? That’s because, after those 90 seconds, often without realizing it, we keep those emotions going by mentally rewinding and replaying the triggering event. We keep it going. Your body responds as though it's happening again. Stress hormones on repeat. It doesn't know the difference between a real-life experience now and you thinking about one.

So why do we marinate in our emotions for hours, days, or even years? Many reasons.

Comfort. Thinking about someone we loved and lost and aren’t ready to let go.

Power. If I stay angry maybe I won’t feel so vulnerable.

Vindication. If I keep replaying the story this way, then I’m right.

What can you do about it?

The first step is to pay attention to your thoughts. Mostly importantly, witness thoughts creeping in unconsciously. These can be hard to spot at first. We’re used to ignoring them. And pay attention to the emotions that follow the thoughts. These are your past on replay.

Become conscious of what you're repeating. This can be hard. It takes practice. Practice becoming aware of when you slip back into thinking, ruminating, dwelling. Practice becoming conscious, becoming mindful.

Therapy can be helpful for sorting it all out. I work with individuals navigating the anxieties of midlife. Click Book Now for a free consultation.

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